How do you define success?
Turning 2022 into a better year than the last means setting goals to aim at—but setting goals can oftentimes be the easy part. We know what we want, but then try to tackle new heights using old strategies that were never resourceful to begin with.
Focused Pathways is a Life Coaching Company that currently offers coaching for marital relationships, parenting, and emotional-behavioral modification. Whether you are preparing for marriage, enriching your current relationship, developing your family, or trying to change your outcomes by improving quality and control over thoughts and emotions, understanding and having a growth mindset is critical.
Fixed v. Growth Mindset
The way the world approaches intelligence and potential is clinically proven to be wrong. Whether in school systems or on the internet, you won't have to look far to see the obsession with various IQ or academic placement tests which seem to suggest that the intelligence you have, is the intelligence you were born with. This is called a fixed mindset, and it is psychologically detrimental to our health.
Modern medicine has proven that the neurons in the mind are constantly growing and neurological connections are constantly realigning (neuroplasticity). As we learn new skills, and harbor various beliefs, the neurological make-up of the brain changes to reflect all. The problem is, if we believe the intelligence and potential we have, is simply a reflection of 'the cards we were delt,' there is no real justification for trying for change or achieve a better life. As a result, the experience of our quality of life winds up being treated as if it is within an external locus of control. Life is treated as if it is happening to us instead of being lived by us.
What happens if we shift our thinking to become more consistent with the verifiable, clinical data? If neuroplasticity is real (and it is), the 'old dog' can 'learn new tricks.' It is never too late to achieve goals and reach new heights. This attitude is called a growth mindset, and it is essential for any coaching or counseling to be beneficial.
A growth mindset, or attitude of commitment to personal / professional growth, joined with a sense of optimism and willingness to accept appropriate responsibility for our own outcomes, is the prerequisite for just about any positive change.
How smart or capable we are today, might be miles behind us tomorrow—if we work for it. Blaming the world or others for our failures or unhappiness, as if we are in an external locus of control, will simply not do. If we want growth, we must accept our share of the responsibility for our own growth and outcomes, by taking back our power over our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs while taking responsibility for our actions—this is the internal locus of control, the the place to go to start living life!
My Story: Growth Mindset Example
I was raised as the first son in a family of 5 children. I struggled in school—barely graduating high-school. Most who knew me, never expected I would amount to much, other than a manual laborer (not that there is anything wrong with that, if that is what you enjoy. I have dug fox-holes in the infantry and more!).
As an adult, I got to the point of being sick of being passed over for promotions, and having the terms of my life dictated to me by the situational necessities to survive. I realized I actually had a fear of success, and I held myself back the most! I was living with a fixed mindset, acting like my whole life was in an external locus of control. After serving in the Army, I applied for college. I was rejected by my university of choice.
As an adult, I got to the point of being sick of being passed over for promotions, and having the terms of my life dictated to me by the situational necessities to survive. I realized I actually had a fear of success, and I held myself back the most! I was living with a fixed mindset, acting like my whole life was in an external locus of control.
I worked hard my first summer, to get the GPA I needed, and credits I needed to reapply. Discipline, constantly showing up, and the will to win prevailed. Before I knew what it was called, I was exhibiting a growth mindset, and it paid off. Not only did the kid the world thought might never graduate high school go to college, I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts while getting trained to be a Combat Medic and later becoming a Licensed Nurse. I kept applying myself until the promotions started to come. Learning things quickly became a skill I developed. I completed my Master Degree of Divinity. I have an awesome wife and two dogs that I completely love. I started taking responsibility for my thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and actions, because I wanted to do better—to be better—for others.
The right mindset makes the difference. Whether you are preparing for marriage, enriching your current relationship, developing your family, or trying to change your outcomes by improving quality and control over thoughts and emotions, understanding and having a growth mindset is key.
Whether you are preparing for marriage, enriching your current relationship, developing your family, or trying to change your outcomes by improving quality and control over thoughts and emotions, understanding and having a growth mindset is key.
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Ryan McCollum
Certified Master Mindset Coach, Master Resilience Trainer, Marriage/Family Coach, and the Managing Member of Focused Pathways. Find him on FocusedPathwaysLLC.Com.